Childhood Horrors

I remember being afraid of monsters under the bed, that if I let even a teeny part of my toe out from under the blankets, that gremlin would grab it with his claws.

Then there was the 'Big Lady and the Little Lady'; two spinsters down the street that took an evening walk each night. They seemed to appear out of nowhere and never spoke a word; dark clothing, heavy coats and hats obscuring their faces didn't help the situation either.

Alas, we come to Brussel Sprouts. Mention the word and watch children, pets and seniors run for the hills. They reflect the American experience with the likes of cod liver oil, collard greens and a chewable multi-vitamin; all disgustingly vile parts of a shared cultural fabric. That which didn't kill us made us stronger. The same could be said for cholera.

No, Brussel Sprouts have a bad rap from birth and some folks that grew up during the Depression
can tell stories of eating them, pinto beans or squash for months at a time,

"Cuz, we couldn't AFFORD meat! We had meat on Sundays and maybe a teaspoon of sugar in our coffee. But, by golly, we had a garden and grew everything that went on that table! Times were tough and Mama did the best she could with what we had. And if I EVER see another Brussel Sprout, it'll be too soon..."

Yikes! That is a tough nut to crack but, once I get a little bacon going in a pan, then add a few bits of chopped garlic, well, as you all know, just about anything can be saved.
I'm getting ahead of myself, backup...

So, I chef at a senior living community which has been a blessing in so many ways. One of the wonderful and often times surprising things is the candor with which old folks will respond. When something is amiss, guarantee that not less than a handful of self-appointed spokespersons will clue you in on a little secret.
Conversely, when things are going swimmingly, you just may get a slap on the back or a simple nod of approval followed by a wrinkled smile and a wobbly thumbs-up.

"Mr. Quinn!" I heard one of my diners in the lobby calling across the mailboxes, "those Brussel Sprouts were de-LISHOUS at lunch! Whatja put in 'em, they were s'good?"
"Well, thank you, Mrs. Kranklebaum, I'm glad you enjoyed them. I boil them in salted water then toss them in a reduction of Balsamic vinaiger. 'Course, bacon and garlic get saute'd first then the whole thing is finished with (whisper) 'butter.'

"You can sure do those again," a voice behind me agreed. I felt an aluminum walker nudge me, it was Mrs. Katz. "But, my grand dad always put ketchup on 'em, so, that's how I like 'em."

"I say just leave 'em like you made them today. If folks don't like it, don't eat it!"
It was Mrs. Franco, a retired Army nurse who saw action in WWII, Korea and early Vietnam.
"They were the best I've ever tasted," she continued, "and keep up the good work; this is the best food I've ever had here and I've lived here for 20 years!" With that, she gave me a wink, a whack on the back of my leg with her cane and off she went through the sliding doors.

Balsamic Brussel Sprouts
2 qts. boiling salted water
4 cups pared Brussel Sprouts, halved lengthwise

3 pcs bacon strips, cut to fork sized
2T. garlic, minced
1/4C. balsamic vinegar
1 stick butter, cubed and cold
to taste salt

Method:
Drop all B.S. into the boiling, salted water.
Saute' bacon pieces on medium heat and when almost done, add minced garlic. Warm the garlic until the tiniest pieces get a touch of brown. Immediately add your vinegar and reduce by 2/3. Reduce heat to low and whisk in your lumps of cold butter till each is incorporated into what is now a rich, emulsified sauce. Add salt to taste.
By now, the sprouts should be fork tender. If so, drain and toss with the sauce. Keep warm on the stove top till ready to serve.

These are really a treat; my kids love 'em, the seniors LOVE 'em and you will too!
What have you added bacon, garlic and balsamic to that HASN'T been fantastic?!

Take care, God bless and remember:

"Food, Faith, Family and Friends,
the Best Things in Life aren't Things"

Chef BQ.

Corned Beef, 101.

St. Paddy's is right around the corner; we know that, given several recent indicators:
Is it the furniture stores declaring 'a pot 'o gold' in savings?
Was it the midget dressed as a leprecaun separating two wrestling opponents on TV?
It might have been the shamrocks taped to windows throughout residential neighborhoods.
Could have been news coverage of the river in Chicago getting dyed green.

For me, I know St. Paddy's is near when dwarfs, little people, midgets, whatever you wanna call 'em, are front and center of any promotion involving shady, seasonal 'deals.' Furniture, autos, payday loans and car stereo businesses incorporate midgets dressed as leprecauns for the month of March, then, the same schlub gets dressed as the Easter Bunny in April!
Aren't there better outlets for 'wee people?' In my home, we could use someone to scrape gum from under tables. Or how about a service to change your oil in the driveway? And who couldn't use some assistance finding things under kids beds? This is good, practical, solid, helpful work ideally suited for the vertically challenged.
Come to think of it, kitchen work would be perfect! Cleaning the backs of cabinets, shelving and storage areas is an untapped industry. They could clean ovens by being IN there, scrubbing away and whistling, too. All cooks hate that job and would pay dearly to have the ability to get the corners clean.

That's it: I'm hiring 'wee people' for temporary, short stints to do the work that we can't or won't.
I wonder if they need a 'Green Card...?'

Easy Corned Beef

1 piece----Corned Beef Brisket, size dependent on your hunger
water-----to come up half-ways on the meat
spices-----the little packet that comes with purchase or 1T Pickling Spice

Method:
Place brisket in a covered roasting pan and fill with enough water to come up half-ways on the beef. Right after the 10 o'clock news, place your brisket in the 250 degree pre-heated oven.
Go to bed.
At 6 a.m., remove covered pan from oven and place meat on a cookie sheet using your biggest spatula. Let cool for about 20 minutes, then transfer to the fridge to cool. Once cool, slice brisket to desired thickness for plating up. When ready to reheat, arrange slices on a cookie sheet and pop into a 350 oven to warm up and hopefully get a little crispy on the edges.

Need to hold the dinner while guests are having beverages? Not a problem! Corned Beef has the half-life of Uranium-232 and gets better as it sits and gets all steamy...

Serve with boiled red potatoes, wedges of boiled green cabbage and a healthy whack of wholegrain mustard. I make a veloute' sauce using chicken stock and place the mustard in that, then, drag ladles of this sauce over the entire plate! Better give you a quickie on a veloute':

Veloute' (French for almost gravy)
1/2 C. -----Flour
1/2 stick --Butter
1 qt. ------chicken stock
to taste ---salt

Method:
Place butter in a sauce pot on medium heat and melt. Add enough flour to make a 'wet sand' paste. To this, add 1/2 your COLD chicken stock and whisk by hand. Once it starts to thicken, add the remainder of the stock. Pinch your salt to taste. EZ.

A boiled dinner isn't really that spectacular unless you spent 7 years in a Hanoi POW camp. So, elevate your game by making the mustard sauce using a veloute' base AND get your reheated corned beef CRISPY! Texture can either doom or rescue a dish.

Happy St. Paddy's to one and all,
Take care, God bless and remember,

"Food, Faith, Family and Friends,
the Best Things in Life Aren't Things."

Chef BQ.

Giving Thanks

Do you ever wake up and say, "Ya know, I need to work on 'such-and-such'--I've neglected it for too long and need to get it working again..." The 'it' could be a garage, an auto, a weightloss program or in my case, a potential weight-gain program.
I'm talkin' 'bout some serious cooking! And what better time to get re-aquainted with our beloved pots and pans, our gadgets, and those trusted appliances than this week of Thanksgiving?
I'll match a tradtional, Thanksgiving food item with a gizmo that has been in a storage box or back of a cupboard, lonesome and forelorn.

Like ALL good kitchen excursions, this one starts with a story...it's 5 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, the first cup of coffee is down and I'm having a 'healthy' breakfast of Garam Masala Chicken with Coconut Milk in a cereal bowl as I write...

...the Quinn family FINALLY made the change of address from SW Portland to SE Portland; actually, we now reside in Milwaukie, a suburb. During that time of transition from one house to another, we stayed at a friend's house while ours was getting re-vamped. Yeah, VERY nice friend. Aye-yaye-yaye, was the new place a mess! Not sure what was worse, the three brimming cat-boxes that were left or the WWF hootchy-mama posters in the boy's basement bedroom.
When that blessed day of taking up residence arrived, we plopped down hastily assembled bedding, swept and mopped, then sat around and lapped up the intoxicating aroma of fresh latex paint in empty, resonant rooms.
"Hey, Mom, it doesn't smell like cat-crap anymore," proclaimed Liam.
"Liam!" said Dad.
"...POOP, it doesn't smell like cat POOP anymore..." he added, "Sorry, Mom."
Dad smiled.

We were in the new house but, had given away the '70s dining room set of Lisa's childhood. Not a lot of tears; we could never find the conquistadore paintings or club and mace set that went with the table and chairs originally. Darn.
"Mom, Dad, we need to have a meal at the table...together and on Sunday," Brendan informed us. Dang if he wasn't right! It was 6 weeks of commuter meals, dinner in a recliner on stylish Solo dishware. We were so busy with moving out of one home and getting into another that we forgot to sit down AS A FAMILY! Good God in Heaven, we neglected our mealtime together! This won't do, especially for the family that tries to make dining together a mainstay, an anchor for our lives.
Lisa found a beautiful antique table and chairs that fit snugly into our little dining area. She bought new placemats and matching napkins to go with her new interior color scheme.
She did a marvelous job on everything including our first dinner. We all sat down, parked the baby in her highchair on the corner and said our traditional blessing. There was a pause at the finish as we waited for an ad-lib:
"...and thank you God for our new house, our new table and chairs, that we may be forever grateful and that tonight is the first of many wonderful memories at this table.

Amen."

Fresh Cranberry Relish (serves alot)
1lb. bag Cranberries, Oregon preferably
4 Oranges, juice and zest
1 cup Sugar, or to taste

Method: Buy a microplane or zester at the local, expensive kitchen shop. A microplane is worth it's weight in flawless diamonds, but, looks like a wood rasp. You will thank me. Remove the zest (outer peel) of the oranges by running along your microplane or zester and place in your food processor. Add cranberries and sugar. Cut your oranges in half and juice them. Add juice to the cranberries.
Blast away till a fine puree is accomplished; about 3 minutes. Place in a container and let rest overnight; the color will run and give you a brilliant, vibrant red on Thanksgiving Day.
Serve in a clear, crystal bowl to show off the aforementioned electric red!

The Best Turkey Gravy in the Whole, Wide World
This takes a commitment and is not for the 'instant chef.' If you want E-Z, open up some Knorr bouillion cubes or something, I dunno. If you want guests to pick up their plates and lick the gravy off, then, this is your recipe...

1 cup turkey giblets, diced
1/2 cup turkey fat, from your pan drippings
1 T. Italian seasoning
1 cup white wine, riesling or gewurtz, preferably
1 1/2 cups flour, AP
1 qt. turkey stock, made from bones
2 cups milk
to taste kosher salt

Method: Saute' diced gibs in the turkey fat and deglaze with the white wine once gibs are cooked. Add the Italian seasonings and reduce the wine by at least half. Add the flour to form a paste and reduce heat to medium-low. Add half of the stock (including the pan scrapings from the roasting pan!) and allow to thicken. Whisk in the remaining stock, allow to thicken and add the milk. Adjust texture with milk and saltiness with kosher salt.
Pour into a metal container and place in a water bath till service.
It is crucial that a stock is made with turkey bones, onions and celery and sprigs of fresh thyme. Stock is the palate upon which edible cooking becomes a simple work of art.

Enjoy your Holiday and remember...

"Food, Faith, Family and Friends--
the Best Things in Life Aren't Things."

God bless,
Chef BQ.

Grillin' and Chillin'

I like to work efficiently, whether in the kitchen, around the house or under a car. If you're there, ya might as well get a few things done. As long as the hood's popped, let's check the oil and also, the coolant, air filter, brake fluid and bugs in the radiator. Heck, while the garage door's open, let's find that gas can and tile cutter buried under stackable milk crates.

If the grill is on, let's do more than cook the burgers...what else can we burn...? How about some veggies, chicken thighs or some flat bread? All of these things are easily sourced at the market and will hold nicely for days in the fridge, to "feed another day!" This means that we need to P-L-A-N a little bit when shopping. Look at foods and wonder "what can I do with this..." then drop it in your cart.

Summer grilling can be somewhat messy and does require a time commitment.
Gotta heat up the grill...burn off the old grease...brush it down...get it to temperature. Turning on a gas valve in the kitchen stove is SO much easier! Yeah, but, we don't get those wonderful, tasty grill marks and seared, crispy skin. Not to mention, you'd miss the romance of the 'process' to which I am a slave. What about the whole 'dad fighting back licking flames, taming the smoldering beast, subduing the smoky serpent' thing? Ya gotta have a story to tell at the table about how you lost sections of arm hair and got black grease under your fingernails while preparing a meal for the family.

"No son, it wasn't a blown head gasket on the Ford, it was a pile of skirt steaks on the Weber with a little too much fat that gave me these scars..."

A properly involved grill cook has to earn his marks, his badges of courage!
Like my grandfather who was a WWII Navy veteran. We'd ask him where he got his tattoos, the green-blue faded designs of banners, anchors, ropes and stars. "The Indians gave 'em to me when they had me tied to the stake up by Reno," he would say, "Good thing your grandmother hit it big on the slots, 'cuz she came riding down on her horse and knocked 'em all on the head with her bag of silver dollars. She rescued me but not before the Indians gave me these marks..." We believed the part about the Indians but, grandma must've been 300 lbs in her knee-high hose. No way could she mount a horse...

Stories...Life is so much more interesting when there is a story involved. Like the time I forgot about the gas grill I turned on HIGH to pre-heat, only to have a child ask if that dark smoke coming out of the back porch would alert the fire department.

With our Dog Days of summer at hand, it's critical to work within the constraints of excessive heat. I chewed my son Liam's butt for turning the oven on to make a quesadilla last week when it was 103 degrees in Portland. "Here son, have a popsicle..." I offered to his amazement. We seldom have popsicles for dinner but, we had to work within the parameters of our heat wave.
So, we grilled several items out on the back porch to be eaten cold at later meals. I love grilled veggies that are drizzled with a balsamic vinegar and served cold. Chop up some fresh herbage from the garden and add a splash of some super deluxe extra virgin olive oil to make your summer grilled veggies sing! LaHHHH-DEEEE!

Spinach salad is a favorite of mine, especially with a creamy dressing. Add a protein like grilled and chilled chicken, salmon, tuna or steak and you have a healthy, satisfying AND delicious entree'. And as far as a dressing goes, make a vinaigrette using a bit of tahini paste in your standard Italian vinaigrette. We used this at the winery and the lads were practically drinking it out of the bottle! Tahini can be found at middle easten markets or specialty markets catering to the "Loca-vores," (those of us that try to eat foods from our area when available).

Hey, let's get that grill fired up...far and away from the house!
"Yo, yo! Keep on grillin' as you be chillin' this summa."

Grilled Vegetable Pasta with Garden Herbs
(serves 8)

2 Zucchini, halved length-wise
2 Crook necked Squash, cut same as Zucch
2 Heirloom Tomatoes, halved and stemmed
8 Garlic cloves, peeled and minced
2T EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)
1T Salt, kosher
1lb Pasta, your favorite kind

Method:
Prepare squash and tomatoes as directed. Place on a pre-heated grill and score on both sides. Grill has to be hot enough to leave good, clean, dark marks on the veggies but not to blacken the entire sides. Once grilled, place on a cookie sheet and cool.
As the veggies are cooling, put a gallon pot of water on the boil and make your way to the herbs outside (this implies that you are growing a variety of herbs at home!). Cut enough fresh thyme, oregano and rosemary to make 4T of chopped herbage.
Once water is boiling, drop pasta and cook to your desired doneness, giving it a stir to keep from sticking.
Place a larger saute pan, 12" or so, on a medium burner and pre-heat. Cut squash and tomatoes to fork sized pieces and reserve. Add squash to pan and saute' for two minutes, then add garlic and cook till smallest bits of garlic get a touch of color. Immediately add tomatoes and chopped herbs.
Cook till hot, season with salt to taste and spoon over cooked pasta.
Top with some grated Romano-Pecorino and you are good to go!

Is this easy, or what?! And with the herbs, garlic and cheese, you have all the spots on the palate getting the 'happys.'

Give this a go, and let me know.
And remember...

"Food, Faith, Family and Friends...
the Best Things in Life aren't Things!"

Take care and God bless,
Chef BQ.

Dry rubs, outdoor grills and Whoopi cushions

My middle son, Liam, is very 13. He devises battle implements out of broken garden tools, asks for permission to take apart the old microwave oven and sets boobie-traps using sewing thread. The other night, I 'tripped' one of those boy-traps.
Walked up the driveway after work and noticed a message scrawled on a post-it, attached to a beer bottle that was sitting on the antique milk box on the back porch. The placement, overwrought design and 'bait' had me smelling a rat, but, I proceeded. Two steps later, a sewing thread trip wire stretched across my chest and snapped. I stood frozen, waiting for a guillotine to slam down or a pit of pungie sticks to open up.
Nothing.
Then, a head popped out of a doorway, "Dang, it didn't work!"
"Hey son, what are you up to?" I asked.
"The string was supposed to make a cinder block fall on a whoopie cushion...guess it was too heavy." Brendan, our 10 year old, grabbed the cushion and placed it under his arm, activating the desired noise.
"Doesn't work as good under your arm, Dad, but, it's still pretty realistic," Brendan chuckled, "here, I'll sit on it."
And we, all three of us 'boys' laughed like heck as Brendan and Liam took turns impressing me with their simulated bodily emanations, complete with facial contortions.
I reached into the fridge, cracked a beer and leaned on the kitchen counter as Brendan laughed himself silly reinflating and deflating the whoopie cushion.
"Dad," he giggled, "I can't wait for summer and putting this under people's chairs outside. It's gonna be SO funny!"

Yeah, I thought, I can't wait for summer either, but, my thoughts usually run towards my grill and a good dry-rub. I love creating a rub that suits the day and the food. Sometimes a sweeter or more aromatic concoction is in order. Other times, spice is the name of the game. Outdoor cooking is as varied as your imagination; I'd like to help with a couple of guidelines.
I have a basic formula for all dry-rubs and then spin-off variations from there.
Give these a shot the next time you fire up the Weber and reach for a piece of salmon or a thick bone-in pork chop.
Just check your seat cushion if you swing by our house...

Dry-rub Base Blend
1 C Kosher Salt--(saltiness)
1/8C Black Pepper, whole--(heat)
1/8 C Red Chile flake--(heat)
1/4 C Paprika--(color)

Additional Variations (add to above recipe), 1/8 Cup=2 Tablespoons
1/8C Allspice--(sweet spice)
1/8C Clove--(sweet spice)
1/8C Fennel Seeds, freshly ground--(aromatic spice)
1/8C Cumin Seeds, freshly ground--(aromatic spice)
1/8C Coriander Seeds, freshly ground--(aromatic spice)
1/8C Basil, dry--(sweet herb)
1/8C Thyme, dry--(savory herb)
1/8C Oregano, dry--(savory herb)
1/8C Tumeric, ground--(yellow coloring spice)

Take the Base recipe and add your additional ingredients as you think you might like. Purchase all your herbs and seeds whole and grind them in a coffee mill--takes two seconds and you will have remarkably fresh flavors.
Guard your spice mill with zealous fervor; someone may want to wash it, to 'clean' it. That's like scrubbing your cast iron with steel fiber to get the seasoning off every time you use it. Just rip my heart out, puh-LEEZ!

These aren't huge batches so you won't be stuck with a dud if you make something you don't particularly care for.
Ease into it. Don't put all the ingredients listed above into a Nuclear Dry-Rub. More is not better.

Have fun and remember...
"Food, Faith, Family and Friends...
the Best Things in Life aren't Things."

Take care and God bless,
Chef BQ.

Snow, Snap and Spring

Came home the other night from the restaurant, it must've been after 10, tired, hungry for home cooking and felt the 'beer cramp' coming on. Ya know when your dominant hand gets that shape after a long, hot day at the rock pile; the pleasing involuntary response to caress a large, chilly bottle of fermented malt beverage? The hand was aching and I was more than ready for some hop therapy.

As I walked up the driveway, picking up a Razor scooter and parking a Red Flyer wagon, the sound of frogs in our neighbors neglected pool caught my attention.

"This is what I LOVE about spring," I thought, "the all-or-nothing serenade of Helen's frogs." Often time, Lisa and I would laugh in bed as one begins to chirp and within two seconds, thirty of his closest friends chime in. Then, even more suddenly, they come to an abrupt halt. Cessation may last a few minutes or a half hour, but, the frogs remind us of the joys of spring, the promise of new life.

Fumbling for the key to the back door, I take a deep breath and WHOOSH!...a rush of warm, lilac infused night air wafting down the breezeway envelopes me like a gentle ocean current.
"Now, THIS is what I love about spring!" I says to meself, key in the doorlock.
I stand there, breath in and breath out, breath in and breath out. Yes, these are still my favorite flower. Their delicate flavor never varies in intensity, their fragrance is as soft and soothing as a mother's hush.

Lilacs are only a two week window for us and mark the arrival of the 'fragrant' time of year. It's a nice change from the smell of mud and moss, fir nettle clogged gutters and damp wool. I could get used to this, the floral scented world. But, would I appreciate it if it was available all the time? Would I take this soothing aroma so sweet and heavy you can taste it on the back of your palate, for granted?

Probably. So thank God for seasonality!

And speaking of seasonality, I gotta tell you about a classic pasta combination of spring: Fresh Peas and Pancetta.
Lisa asked me about how my day went tonight and told her of a pasta special that sold very well. It had sugar snap peas in it with pancetta, garlic and a black pepper cream with penne pasta.
"That's like the one I used to do at Laura Silvestri's in Half Moon Bay," she said, "only we used prosciutto, snow peas and Parm-Reggiano. Same diff, though..."
I put me diet Coke down and asked her what they had for dinner earlier. I was starvin'!
"Here, I just wrapped it up for you. You're not gonna believe this," she said.
There to my amazement was a dish with a grilled chicken breast, arancini pasta tossed with butter and garlic, and a PILE of glistening, crunchy, sugar snap peas! No joke!

"This is what I LOVE about spring," I sighed.

My lover chuckled, "You're so easy..."


Penne Pasta with Sugar Snap Peas, Pancetta and Cream (Serves 4).

8 oz. Penne pasta, dry
8 oz. Pancetta, cut into cubes the width of a pencil
2 Tbs. Garlic, minced
2 oz. White wine
16 oz. Cream
1 Tbs. Black pepper, fresh cracked
1/2 juice of lemon
2 C. Sugar snap peas
1/2 C. Romano-Pecorino cheese, grated.
4 Air-kisses

Method:
Cook pasta in a rolling boil till done. Done is defined as how YOU like. My done is different than your done.
Drain when cooked and toss lightly with a smidge of oil to keep things from sticking
As the pasta is cooking, saute' the pancetta on med-high heat in enough cooking oil to just cover the bottom of the pan. Use a larger saute' pan for this job, maybe a 10-12 inch rig.
When cooked but, not crispy, add the garlic and warm till the smallest bits of garlic start to brown. Immediately, splash with white wine to bring down the temp of the pan and let the wine reduce. After about 2 minutes, add the cream and reduce by half. Add the lemon juice, black pepper and adjust for salt. Toss in the sugar snaps and swirl in the sauce for no more than a minute. Honest, you want to keep them crunchy and vivid green.
Add cooked pasta and shake that pan!

Serve in cool bowls that you found at Kitchen Kaboodle or Pier One Imports. Garnish with the Romano and have at it!

Find something to LOVE about springtime in your kitchen and remember:

"Food, Faith, Family and Friends...
the Best Things in Life aren't Things."

God bless,
Chef BQ.

The 'Other' Turkey...

Raise your hand if you are one of the millions of Americans who, three days after Thanksgiving, declare that this is gonna be the year that you eat more turkey. Gosh, it tastes great, has a 'heart healthy' fat content, whatever that is, and is pretty darned cheap to put on. We love turkey sandwiches in a deli, but, seldom prepare turkey at home.

Why is that?


My buddy Steve recently took me to a relatively new deli in downtown Portland. He raved about the authentic feel in an urban setting but, it was the pastrami that made my friend go berserkawitz.

"Quinnster, ya gotta check out these sandwiches here...see this one, it's the corned beef brisket with special sauce on fresh rye...and the pastrami comes with chopped liver, like a pate'..."

Watching the cooks pull smoked corned beef briskets up from the holding oven and hand carving each sandwich was like sitting at the dining room table during a painfully slow turkey carving on Thanksgiving. I had to swallow several times and make a conscious effort not to reach across the counter and grab a taste of the trim.

"Sweeney, the sonsofbitches use real smoked corned beef for their pastrami," I whispered, "not some nasty top round jacked up on liquid smoke."

"Quinnster, THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!" he shouted as he smacked me on the shoulder.



Corned beef; the lowly, wretchedly colored neon red meat that some of us obligingly prepare once per year only to make our house smell a little weird when followed by boiled cabbage and over-cooked potatoes.

No wonder we only attempt it on an annual basis: it looks funny, has a lot of fat and takes FOREVER to cook!

Why bother?!

When it's done well, we LOVE it and can't wait to do it again. But, like a roast turkey, we never do. It's SO much work...the darned corned beef never seems to cook all the way...my cabbage and potatoes are reduced to mush by the time the beef has boiled to a close proximity of doneness. UUUHHHH! Just give me a couple of pints and let's call it good! Ta heck with corned beef!



Hear me out on this one: If given the right instruction and the proper tools (a killer recipe), anyone can succeed this coming week with a traditional St. Patrick's day dinner. This is 'THE YEAR' for all of us to kick some major booty in the kitchen when our American St. Paddy's dinner comes around.

Remember my 'Cooking with your Eyes Closed' segment...the whole schpeel on slow cooking overnight in a covered roasting pan with a bit of liquid...and it's called 'braising'? Well, those students that didn't do the homework can have an opportunity for a re-take.



We're going to prepare a Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner that will be the envy of every church dinner, any downtown pub, and those who dreamed of one day saying,

"Yes, I prepared Corned Beef in my sleep and my guests LOVED it!"



Corned Beef Brisket



First off, an inside tip: If you have a Costco, United Grocers/Cash and Carry, or some other quasi-wholesale food outlet, give them a call and ask for availability of corned beef brisket. Previously frozen is OK, these tougher cuts of meat don't suffer from freezing; they acutally help to tenderize the more stubborn cuts.

Corned beef brisket is running about $2.00/lb wholesale right now. Get a whole brisket and cut it into three pieces from short end to short end. This will allow ease of handling and slicing...how fun is that?!

OK, this is beyond EZ, but, I'm gonna tell you anyway...ready?

Take the brisket cut into three pieces and place into a covered pot that will fit into your oven. Empty the microscopic seasoning packet into the pot along with 2 bottles of your favorite ale. Not Buzz-wizer, not Sewers, but, a real friggin' ale made as local as possible, OK? splurg!
Now, place in a pre-heated, 275 oven when you go to bed (around 9 or 10 ). When you wake up at 6 or 7, your house will smell like a home with a fork tender corned beef brisket there to greet you in your bath robe (you in the robe, not the brisket...). Remove from the oven and using a big-ass spatula, gently extract the three pieces of meat from the pot. Place the meat on a cookie sheet and let cool at room temp for a half-hour. Then transfer to the fridge for a good chill. When ready to serve, slice the chilled meat on the short side, not the long side, into desired thickness. I like about a 1/8-1/4 inch slice. Place on a cookie sheet and into a 350 oven to re-heat; they get a little crispy and lose a little more fat. Dee-Lish!
Meat is done...was that easy or what?! Again, folks think you are the local version of Mario-friggin'-Batallia for 'creating' such a culinary triumph.

Cabbage and Preities

For the cabbage, use a standard head of green cabbage. Don't use red, Nappa or savoy; it ain't the same.
Get a pot of salted water on the boil. Take a head of cabbage with the stem side up and cut in half, right down the middle of the stem. DO NOT REMOVE THE CORE! Now, take each half and cut into 1/8th wedges, using the stem or core as the base of each wedge. The stem keep the leaves from falling off and turning the whole mess into cabbage goo. Drop the wedges into the salted water, which is simmering, and cook till fork tender. Remove and place in cold tap water to cool.
For the potatoes, use only red potatoes. If red potatoes are not available, then, well...just drink Guinness and have a wee dram of 'uisce beatha' the Gaelic beverage called 'water of life' which the brits call 'whiskey.'
Seriously, now cut your red pots (potatoes) into fork sized wedges or pieces and cook till fork tender in simmering, salted water. When done, strain and turn out onto a cookie sheet to cool. Place in fridge to chill. These can be reheated in the oven when ready to serve with a couple of lumps of salted butter and whatever else you like on top.

The Kicker
I wasn't going to do this for fear of becoming too involved but, I'll throw it out there for the adventuresome.
This is the Mustard Sauce from Hell. Ya ladle this delicately over the dish of corned beef, cabbage and spuds and well...people begin to weep uncontrollably.
I take no credit nor any blame as to what may transpire when guests partake of such a dish...

Make a roux with about half a cup of flour and half a stick of butter...low heat and create a 'wet sand' paste. To this add, cold chicken stock (broth if you hafta) of about 2 cups. Whisking all the while, add two more cups of chix stock as this thickens. Once the sauce comes to a light simmer, add 4 Tbs of whole grain mustard (Plochmans, Beaver brand, whatever) and adjust the salt with kosher salt.
This REALLY ties the whole thing together.
A man from Kerry once told me, "Quinn, 'dis is brilliant!"

Happy St. Paddy's to the only Irish guy I know named, 'Tony.'

Give this a go and hit me with some feedback...successes only.

Take care and remember:

"Food, Faith, Family and Friends...
the Best Things in Life Aren't Things."

God bless,
Chef BQ.