It seems the last year, I have been living in some alternative universe, where up was down, right was wrong and each day brought new questions.
Divorce after 25 years will do that. I say this to let folks know that our decision wasn't made lightly, it was some time in coming and I hope that both of us find happiness in our new direction, our new lives.
I have.
2018 was tumultuous: Jan we made the decision, Feb I was diagnosed with heart disease, Mar was a triple-bypass and I was gone in June. A new job followed in July which has given me purpose and direction. In the Fall, I began dating a friend with whom I had worked with for several years. Janice is a kind, feisty Southern woman who has a senior fitness business and loves the outdoors. We get along very well.
I share this because I was very scared about changing my Life; living in an apartment, sharing time with our daughter, residual health effects, dietary scrutiny, being with another woman. This wasn't supposed to happen, none of this, but, it has and I need to work with it to make my Life the best it can be for me and the people I love with God's guidance, of course.
The greatest challenge is having a new relationship. Janice had been the "Mayor" at our work; everybody knew her, loved her and went to her with good news or a heavy heart. She has a perpetual smile and jokes with seniors like only a Southerner can do while maintaining a deep respect for the aged, pushing them gently to achieve new physical goals. She's an iron fist in a velvet glove. I am blessed to know her and grateful for our closer, romantic relationship. Janice is...a savior!
People will have differing opinions on my life now. Some may continue to be a friend or acquaintance, others will cut and run. But, I will say this: since heart surgery and divorce, I honestly don't care. I...really...don't...care. Look at how we live our lives trying to gain the approval of folks we don't even like?! Bigger house, nicer neighborhood, more expensive car, all to impress people we don't really care about. That's kinda funny. And sad.
I realized that my favorite people are those that came from nothing. Their concerns aren't about the next time-share, diet fad or sports club, but, about a book or a drive in the country or an aroma in the kitchen. They expect nothing and appreciate everything, every single detail of kindness...these friends see beauty in minutiae: crocus, the harbingers of Spring...the rake of an osprey's wings diving for a Steelhead...the gentle glide of fingers along a forearm. I love a guy who says, "thank you" for breakfast on a camping trip and a girl who just wants to hold hands on a river walk at sunset. Thoughts and Time, that's really all we need as sentient beings: to be thought of and to spend time with one another. Cost? $0.00!
What would each of us do, if given a possible terminal diagnosis? Change how we live? If so, why would we change...because we know it's been misdirected all along? We went with the flow and became anesthetized to the mundanity of another calendar page, never questioning, never wondering what could be. Maybe, like me, we became lazy to the routine, reading about adventure, but, never venturing out. Watching others on social media, Youtube or listening to a Podcast of people "in the arena."
From Teddy Roosevelt in France, 1910:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
His words are as timely and prescient as ever. My passion for Food, Faith and Life had been on the wane this last year, but, I prayed that the ember that remained would burst into a new light.
It already has. I can feel it.
Take care, God bless and remember:
"Food, Faith, Family and Friends,
the Best Things in Life Aren't Things!"
chefbq.
